I AM VISIBLE

This past weekend we went to a party. It was a birthday party and people were asked to recount loving memories of the birthday person. My husband stood up and discussed his connections to this person. Maybe in one sentence he briefly mentioned our wedding, which was a mostly traditional/modern Chinese wedding.

After his slight mention of our wedding, a lady, who I don’t know, who was sitting next to myself and my daughter, turned to me and asked, “Is he Chinese?” I knew where this was leading, but I answered honestly, with a slight omission. I replied, “no.”

No, my husband is not Chinese. My husband is Spanish/Portuguese/Mexican/French. He is not Chinese. I didn’t necessarily feel compelled to give her the answer, “no, he is not, but I am.”

After I replied with my “no,” she turns back around from myself and my daughter (who is wearing her lavender Qipao) and the lady says, “heh. . .Chinese wedding. . .yeah, right!”

I can realize the fact that she didn’t mean harm by saying these things. But it really does show you how much people look at an outside layer through a lens that is not geared towards racial identity other than the socially accepted “norm.”

Regardless of intention, it is scenes like these that can make a girl feel invisible.

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I hope that all of us has had that one teacher. You know. That one teacher that opens up our eyes, challenges us, makes us think, makes us get outside of ourselves, makes us want to better ourselves. For my husband, that teacher was Mr. Hooper, in his high school Future Studies. This is also the class where we met. For me, though, that teacher was Dr. Brown, in my college Sociology classes (I took more than one of his courses, and in fact, if he were still teaching here I would be trying to get into those classes too).

It was the first time, for me, that things that are so taboo in regards to discrimination – race, white privilege, economic status, sexual orientation, disabilities, feminism, and education – were discussed so openly and honestly. We discussed a lot about the lens’ we have (Dr. Brown always used the word “lens”), how we see society through our lens, how society has shaped our views that way, and what that means for different members of society. The open forum discussions and the topics we covered remind me a lot of the style of what Racialicious strives to accomplish now.

I learned a lot about myself in those classes. I faced a lot of issues of confusion over my own identity versus how society labeled my identity. I took the class after years of being labeled “different” and not knowing how to process that or why it happened or what it means to me – or even how I participate in perpetuating these things that society leads us to believe. I also learned about my participation in this society and the contributions made to these stereotypes. I even convinced a friend to take a class with me. She loved it too and we had a lot of discussions about race and social class and feminism.

He retired after I took my second class with him. Students that he effected over the years, and there were many, threw a party in his honor. Many students stood up and talked about what his teaching did and how it made an impact on their lives. Not a dry eye in the house, including my own. I knew that I saw the world differently because of him, and I liked where my life was heading.

At the going away party they gave away buttons to everyone present. It was just a regular round button. It had a purple background, nothing fancy. In white lettering it had the words,

“I AM VISIBLE.”

It said so much about what he taught all of us. It was fitting. I kept that button with me for a very long time as a reminder. As a reminder of who I am, that I am a member and participant of this society, of what I learned and wanted to continue to learn. This is why I am so involved with the idea of my children being aware, why I am so passionate about being aware. Aware of race, racial issues, of what society has taught us to believe (and a lot of times what complete bullshit that is).

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That said, I’ll finally fill out a meme that Angelica’s Little Brother filled out a while back (originally from Anti-racist Parent).

1. I am: Chinese, French, Native American, Irish. My mom is Chinese, born and raised in Vietnam. My father’s mother is French and Irish. My father’s father is French and Native American. I didn’t grow up around my father’s side of the family, and my mom was still very much apart of Chinese/Vietnamese life; it is the reason why I identify so much with being Asian-American.

2. My kids are: Chinese, French, Native American, Irish, Spanish, Portuguese, Mexican. Soon we will have another child who is all of those things with us and Vietnamese.

3. I first started thinking more about race, culture, and identity when: Always, or rather, in Kindegarten when I first found out that not everyone had a Chinese mom and White dad. But I had more coherent thoughts after my Sociology class (see the really long explanation I decided to leave you above).

4. People think my name is: Spanish. Of course, most people also thought my French maiden name was Spanish.

5. The family tradition I most want to pass on is: The importance of family.

6. The family tradition I least want to pass on is: The lack of independence. Because of the importance and obligation placed on family, well, we have a hard time letting the little ones go.

7. My child’s first word in English was: Hi (said to strangers in an elevator)

8. My child’s first non-English word was: Thank you, in Cantonese (I have no clue how to write the way it sounds in English). My mom is all about the manners.

9. The non-English word/phrase most used in my home is: We count a lot. It is the Cantonese and Vietnamese we practice with Chloe the most because that is what my husband and I know the most of. My daughter knows more Chinese and Vietnamese than we do.

10. One thing I love about being a parent is: Watching her grow and learn.

11. One thing I hate about being a parent is: Putting her in time out. She starts telling me things like, “but mommy – I LOVE YOU” It hurts.

12. To me, being an anti-racist parent means: It means a few things. It means being aware, constantly learning, and doing what I can to help my children be aware and be confident in who they are. We are a multicultural family and for that I have to be a role model in shaping their world view; it means that I have to be more aware, more aware of our world, of the people in our society and how society shapes our beliefs.