It’s Out of My Hands

for the time being.

I thought I would take a short break from my bloggy break to explain what goes on now. One of the things I was frustrated with domestic adoption is that there are a lot of things that are agency specific and a lot of agencies do things differently. This is how the next step of our journey will be.

Our letters will arrive tomorrow at 10:30 am (gotta love UPS). We had filled out a profile that included our demographics for preferences an expectant mother might have along with our preferences. When both of those match and an expectant mother has requested letters, ours will be sent to her. A lot happens before they receive letters. They first contact the agency and get assigned a counselor. The counselors are available to expectant mothers every day, 24 hours a day.

Potentially we could get a call or email anytime. In all reality I don’t expect a call or email anytime soon – though that doesn’t mean it can’t happen quickly or that I won’t have my phone stuck to my side at all times or checking my email every 10 minutes or so. If I would venture a guess, it would be a few months wait just for our first phone calls or emails. The *average* wait time for my agency is 6-12 months from being in the books to completing an adoption. And honestly every situation is different. There are APs who get a lot of calls and contacts but will wait years. There are APs that won’t get any calls for months and then suddenly will get one expectant mom that chooses them. There are APs that waited weeks as opposed to months. Our journey will be ours and I can’t even begin to pinpoint how things will turn out.

A call or email does not mean that we are matched. An expectant mom makes that decision and it could happen at any point or not at all. I’m a little nervous – okay, I’m a lot nervous – because I’m really reserved and I’ve been called a snob on more than one occasion at first meeting (which was eventually taken back after I got to know them, but it takes a while to get to know me). The calls and/or emails will be so that she can get to know us, know our situation and who we are so that if she does choose adoption she can choose a family she knows and trusts. This is, after all, building a relationship that will hopefully continue through our child’s life.

After we match, and I’ll go into this in more detail after we match, we will all meet at the agency and discuss contact and how much contact we will have. There are papers signed that outline our agreement. In fact, I believe that we are held to the agreement, as we should be, and can be taken to court to uphold it if we are not. I’ll talk about matching and what happens after matching once it happens. I’m in a different mindset right now and I’ll get into that subject as it comes closer to a reality.

Here I am. Waiting.