There Once Lived A Mommy Who Had Friends. . .but now I can’t find her

I have 3 very close girlfriends. We’ve been friends since high school, which was nearly 10 years ago. I love them dearly. All 3 of them mean a lot to me.

Shawnette is awesome. She taught me a lot about not being afraid to go after what you want in life. Sometimes in life you have to just jump. You have to risk falling to have it all. She is the epitomy of the person who would rather try and fail than never to have tried at all. The thing that I love about her most is that she has faith. She believes. She has faith that so many things are possible. It is a very glass is half full look at life. I met Shawnette during lunchtime our senior year of high school. She always sat to the left of me. She always ate my oranges. And she always had lively conversation for everyone at the table.

Eva is nice. Eva has charisma. I love that Eva always puts other before herself. Of course, that’s also what I complain about, that she doesn’t put herself first, but I realize that how she is is a beautiful way to be. I met Eva sophomore year of high school in our biology class. We both had Mr. Hyke. It was my first year at that school. I don’t talk to people, but Eva was always talking to me – asking how I was or talking about class. Eva makes people feel comfortable. She really does care.

Erica is my partner in crime. Speaking of crime. I met Erica my senior year of high school. The first day of school I picked the seat right next to the door in my 1st period Economics class. The next day I was late – and Erica was in the seat right next to the door. Lady stole my seat! Erica goes along with my crazy ideas. There are a ton of concerts and places I’ve dragged her to just for the fun of it. Want to go to San Diego in the middle of the night because you’re mad at your boyfriend? Call Erica. Want to plan parties and try out different crazy themes – she’ll be there. I’ve been through so many funny adventures with her.


After Chloe was born I was talking to another dear friend of mine. She said that I would be losing all my baby-less friends because they just don’t understand. Not my friends, I thought. I really do have the greatest friends. And how can that change?

Well, with marriage and babies, that’s how. I still love and adore my friends dearly. Two of them are still single (very happily, which is fine). And they both love and adore Chloe. As time goes on it gets harder and harder to keep up the maintanence. There are some very keys points in my life that is hard for them to understand, and it’s very hard for me to go back to what it meant to live the single life and the things that it encompassed.

I can’t help but wish that they had families and understood where I was coming from, and where my values and priorities are now – and had their values and priorities in the same place. I want to have the common bond of all of these big LIFE things. It’s been 3 years, and I feel like things have been slowly deteriorating. Again, not that I don’t like them anymore, just a change of having common bonds.

Is this no baby-less friends thing true? Is there a class someone teaches on keeping in touch mentally and emotionally with baby-less friends without pulling all your hair out?


2 responses to “There Once Lived A Mommy Who Had Friends. . .but now I can’t find her

  1. Anne & Grant

    I don’t think it’s impossible to stay friends with people who do not have children, but it’s definitely harder. You have to be willing to let your friendships change and evolve after you have kids. The friendships will never stay the same, and that okay! It’s important to have friends with kids so you can swap stories, lean on each other for support, etc… You can’t rely on your “old” friends to fill that roll. Does that make sense? Maybe not! 😉 Anyway, I think that friends fill different rolls at different times in our lives. We can always cherish those people, but at the same time be willing to “let go” a little.
    -Anne, PAP

  2. As the last single, childless woman from my circle of friends, I think it is hard on both sides of the table to maintain friendships as we get older and our paths diverge. I try to be very involved in my friends’ family lives (I’m a very proud “aunt”) but it’s nice sometimes when they make an effort to inquire about my life and experiences. We try to make a concerted effort to take a girls’ weekend once or twice a year -it’s a nice reminder of the depth of our relationships, how far we’ve come and how much we’ve all been through together, and great chance to reconnect before we head home to our other commitments. But it definitely takes more effort – there’s no maintaining these friendships unless all of you are willing to put in the time -which is not always easy to find, but if the relationship is important, you WILL find it!

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