The adoption waiting game. It’s played by all of us, waiting. You know that feeling that you get when you’re just on the verge of going absolutely insane from the incessant and never ending waiting? You’ve been bit by the waiting bug. I used to read blogs all about how they’ve been bit by the waiting bug and now they are fighting the battle of the wait, and I used to think – one day I’ll be bit by that bug.
Although I never necessarily looked forward to it, but it’s almost like being accepted into a club. Admittedly, there was a small part of me that wanted to be in that club. Call me needy. Apparently that little waiting bug does not like the taste of me at all, and I’m starting to get mad at him. Seriously, bite me already.
This sounds like I’m making fun, and I’m really only half making fun. I really do feel out of the loop at times. I don’t have those feelings inside me and I have no clue why. Am I really that heartless? No, I don’t really think that. My mind really is almost constantly thinking about our adoption, but my mind is constantly set to when we’ll be home – which I know is someday that isn’t now and it doesn’t bother me. I think about how my children will interact with each other; I think about being in Vietnam; I think about how we’re going to handle the topic of adoption; I think about being a multicultural family, and everything else that has to do with my future life. However, I don’t think much about this part, the waiting. I do get pangs every once in while, wishing to hold my child even though I don’t know who they are yet – but the pangs are just, well, pangs. It’s nothing that I get all worked up over.
Other than that, there’s no frustration – not with the waiting. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I not going crazy over this? Honestly, I think my cousins are more frustrated with the wait than I am. I don’t want to be the calm mama that’s all zen with the wait. I am somehow stressing myself out over not being stressed. And yet, still not stressed about waiting. I think the last straw was when my husband got bit. Yeah, and he’s the calm one of us. Damn bug.