Bite Me

The adoption waiting game. It’s played by all of us, waiting. You know that feeling that you get when you’re just on the verge of going absolutely insane from the incessant and never ending waiting? You’ve been bit by the waiting bug. I used to read blogs all about how they’ve been bit by the waiting bug and now they are fighting the battle of the wait, and I used to think – one day I’ll be bit by that bug.

Although I never necessarily looked forward to it, but it’s almost like being accepted into a club. Admittedly, there was a small part of me that wanted to be in that club. Call me needy. Apparently that little waiting bug does not like the taste of me at all, and I’m starting to get mad at him. Seriously, bite me already.

This sounds like I’m making fun, and I’m really only half making fun. I really do feel out of the loop at times. I don’t have those feelings inside me and I have no clue why. Am I really that heartless? No, I don’t really think that. My mind really is almost constantly thinking about our adoption, but my mind is constantly set to when we’ll be home – which I know is someday that isn’t now and it doesn’t bother me. I think about how my children will interact with each other; I think about being in Vietnam; I think about how we’re going to handle the topic of adoption; I think about being a multicultural family, and everything else that has to do with my future life. However, I don’t think much about this part, the waiting. I do get pangs every once in while, wishing to hold my child even though I don’t know who they are yet – but the pangs are just, well, pangs. It’s nothing that I get all worked up over.

Other than that, there’s no frustration – not with the waiting. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I not going crazy over this? Honestly, I think my cousins are more frustrated with the wait than I am. I don’t want to be the calm mama that’s all zen with the wait. I am somehow stressing myself out over not being stressed. And yet, still not stressed about waiting. I think the last straw was when my husband got bit. Yeah, and he’s the calm one of us. Damn bug.


4 responses to “Bite Me

  1. I feel like it’s somewhere inside me, waiting to go off and EXPLODE! But without even a month since DTV…I’m in for the long haul.

    Want to hear the pathetic way I’m dealing with it? I’ve all but convinced myself that there IS NO BABY. Total denial, that’s healthy, huh? πŸ˜›

  2. It’s not crazy. Adoption brings out emotions, reactions and feelings like I’ve never experienced. I don’t think there’s any ‘way’ to feel…just go with whatever it is. We just got our paperwork out and we are sort of in a strange limbo waiting for our agnecy to say they got everything….Next week I might be the mayor of CrazyTown πŸ™‚

  3. Nope. You’re not crazy at all. I was really fine, kinda zen, with the whole waiting thing until I knew there was a baby and I knew we should get the referral next month, then the next month, then the next month. That is when the waiting bug bit me. Every person is different, and every adoption is different, so really, whatever you are feeling is probably pretty normal. Because you are you, not somebody else. As long as you don’t start having homicidal thoughts or anything, you know.

  4. I was fine with the waiting for referral and then travel with the exception of the very last few days/weeks when it was an “any day/minute/second” kind of wait. That was absolutely the end of me. I think if I was in for a very long wait I’d feel pretty zen about it right now. And I think I’d prefer not to even know when we were getting close because it is just soooo hard after it being so easy for so long! I hoep it keeps staying easy for you – the club is no fun.

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