The Talk

We had THE talk last night. About the Viet Nam program, the stability, any possibility of us not completing this adoption and what we would do. We haven’t given up, we just need to discuss options. I know that the agencies issued the NOIDs so far haven’t been agencies that are considered ethical by most. I don’t necessarily think that this means that we’re out of trouble just because it isn’t our agency. I wonder if 3 or however many more bad apples can really ruin it for the rest of us. And if my agency were ever issued a NOID – I’d be out. I couldn’t do it, and I don’t know if I would have it in me to continue with another agency. I hate to say that. I believe the NOIDs are good – as in, good for the children that could potentially have lost out on their birth family that should be raising them. But the more NOIDs that get issued the more I wonder about the Viet Nam adoption program as a whole.

It’s hard. I love the idea of Viet Nam. My mom grew up there. I still have family there. I have emotional ties because of my family. I like that.

Our first thought is China. That means we would have to wait until I turn 30, and quite frankly we probably wouldn’t bring a child home until Chloe was over the age of 7 or 8. While I am fine with waiting – I’m sorry, that’s a long time to wait. Now that I am more open to the idea of an open adoption I feel we could be open to adopting in the US. But that’s a whole other can of worms.

I don’t know at this point. It is something I have to think about. For now, like everyone else, I’m just watching and waiting.

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4 responses to “The Talk

  1. Your little girl is adorable!
    I communicated with my agency about my concerns regarding the current situation. They got back to me very quickly and confirmed info regarding the agencies who were issued NOIDS, etc. They also said that these issues have been pretty constant in VN and that part of the reason a big spotlight is on them right now is because of the Hague Convention. Not sure if you have read up on that or are familiar, but it’s worth checking out. My agency is very much on the straight and narrow and we trust them. They said that for the time being VN is not pending a shutdown, that the focus for agencies which are compliant with guidelines and have a solid relationship with VN (in other areas outside of adoption ie: family preservation, etc) is to improve the system.
    I am as cautious as you and concerned of course. At the same time I try to be positive and open to what’s going on good and bad.
    Take care 🙂

  2. Were you in MY living room last night?!?!?!? DH and I had a similar talk. We both agreed – the slightest whisper of impropriety with our agency or province and we’d be withdrawing. I don’t know what “Plan B” would be…another country? Waiting until we, too, turn 30 for China? Thinking seriously about in vitro?

    I do have every faith in our agency. I just needed to know that we had a contingency plan. I know we’re not alone in thinking this. Or being terrified that our dreams won’t come true.

    I can’t say it enough – things have changed SO MUCH in such a short amount of time. But I’m so happy to have found a community of parents who really care about this stuff and who will support each other as we face the hardest of questions.

  3. That talk sounds fimilar, we have it all the time. Hoping our Plans B and C will never have to be used.

  4. Yes, we had the talk this morning actually, and China might be it if needed…I really hope that all is well for us in Vietnam, but I want ethical, and if things happen where the few rotten apples ruin it for the whole bunch. I would wait that 3 year wait, no matter how much it kills me for our first baby.

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