First, Omygoodness! The Photoshop Creativity Tour that I went to yesterday was fantastic!! The day flew by and I learned so much. The seminar was taught by Bert Monroy. I am beyond impressed by what he has done with photoshop. Apparently he was the sixth person to begin using photoshop! The thing about this seminar was that it was more than taking things in photoshop and using it to manipulate and retouch – it was about an art form and he really emphasized that it is an art, not just a tool. I love that aspect of it. Luckily, we think we may be able to attend an Illustrator seminar next month!!
I had well over 150 emails after being gone for a day and I still have a ton of blog posts to go through all concerning the things that have been going on in Viet Nam adoptions. There are some heated things being said, along with incredibly articulate, emotional, and thought-provoking posts, and lines being crossed, but I am in awe watching all of you fight for what you believe in.
That being said, I’m tired – are you tired? I can’t help but feel like we’ve been through so much, fought each other so much, that sometime very soon we will need to begin to pick up the pieces. We need to still discuss these very emotionally charged issues because PAPs need information in order to make wise decisions, decisions that [will] effect their future child, our [future] children. Really, this isn’t so much a “can’t we all just get along” plea so much as an observation that we need to take a step back before that chasm is too wide and deep. Talking and discussion is important, always. It feels like it is hitting below the belt, so to speak.
It is funny that through all of this turmoil I have faith (well, not haha-funny). I, along with many other PAPs that I’ve been reading, have been through the ringer with all the different emotions. I was worried, worried enough to begin researching other options – that was the other day. I spent hours thinking about my great grandmother.
When I was growing up my mom had a lot of stories about my great grandmother. She helped raise my mom and her other grandchildren and they were close. My great grandmother had six children. Back then she lived in China, and there was a time when she fell on hard times. She wasn’t able to care for all her children, to feed them and give them what they needed to survive, and she sold five of them. It wasn’t an easy decision. She kept her youngest, my grandfather. Growing up, my mom told me stories of my great grandmother. My mom shared with me about her strength and her love and her hard work, all for her family. She cared for her family; I know because she passed that onto my mom. My mom also told me about my great grandmothers’ heartbreak. Her heartbreak over losing her children. It never went away – her loss. It was a ghost that followed her through her life.
I can’t imagine the pain. I can’t imagine not having the means to feed or take care of my children. I can’t imagine the pain of that great loss for the rest of my life. My great grandmother is who I have been thinking about as I contemplate this adoption.
And I have spent hours pouring over my email and lots of Viet Nam adoption blogs, trying to sort all of this out for myself. Somehow, somewhere, in all of the turmoil and inside all of my own worry and in between my own times of anger I found faith in what will happen. I hope that I am right. I hope that the system is headed in the right direction. I hope, that although the community may have some wounds in the beginning that we can use this as a starting point to discuss, really discuss, intelligently and without venom.