The Hardest Writing Project Ever

ETA more appropriate terms. 

I am almost done with writing our Dear Expectant Mother letter. I should be done this week. I have about 5 of 7 sections done. I’ve been writing it for a couple of weeks now, and you would think that means that I have pages and pages of wonderful stuff written about us. Not exactly. It mostly means that I have spent many days just staring at the computer, feeling completely overwhelmed. This, however, is just the first draft. I have heard that we will go through many drafts back and forth with our coordinator to make sure it’s perfect and exactly what we want. Right now I have a little over a page long document. In the end it will be two pages long (with a much prettier font), including pictures.

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to write. This is the first glimpse the expectant mother will ever see of us as she’s choosing a family for her child – talk about pressure. It is very intimidating to write because I put so much pressure on myself for it to be a full representation of us and our life. How do I put us into words and pictures? You would think the pictures would be easier, but I get the feeling I’m going to go just as nuts over picking those.

Our agency has told us not to worry and to just be ourselves in our letter, that there will be an expectant mother out there that will love our family. It sounds easy enough. I thought I would have this letter finished in a week. But no. I was just a little too optimistic about that one. Now I’ll be happy if I have the final draft of the letter completed before the end of February since I’ll be turning in the very first draft this week.

I have to say though, one of the things that always intimidated us was the “being choosen” part. We’re not fun, out-going, all-American type of people. We’re a Buddhist, multi-cultural family, who spends most of our time either at home, out eating Vietnamese food, or at Disneyland. In fact, I remember a couple of months ago when we were still deciding, looking over all the other families on our agencies web site and feeling so weirded out because there were a lot of pictures of families doing things like kayaking. We are so not a kayaking family. We’re more of a Wii bowling family. So hopefully there will be an expectant mother who likes video games more than, well, kayaking. 🙂

On the other hand, while the actual decision to adopt wasn’t a hard one, as our child’s future Firstmom is reading these letters it’s going to be a life changing decision. It puts it into perspective a bit. Her decision is much more complex than mine. I believe that’s also why the introduction is one of the sections I haven’t finished writing. I am just at a loss as what to say. I don’t want it to sound fake or forced. It should be very natural and nice.

So, my most optimistic timeline is that we’ll officially be “in the books” by late February (really optimistic) or early March. Most of that time will be spent editing the letter, designing the letter, designing the web site, and printing the letter. When all that is completed is when our profile will start to be officially shown to expectant mothers considering adoption. After that, it’s all a waiting game. Waiting for an expectant mother to find that perfect family for her child, and having that family be us.


5 responses to “The Hardest Writing Project Ever

  1. steppingonlegos

    well you’ve just described my family (we actually just sold the kayak after owning it a few years and using it like twice!). We are the wii-playing, buddhist, multi-cultural crazy look homeschoolers 🙂 I have seriously considered private adoption but am afraid we’d never ben chosen. I will be watching your progress very closely.

  2. I think expectant mom is much better and more accurate too since she’s still pregnant. I think it’s more respectful too. It will show her that you care about her connection to the baby and not just the ‘birth’ part.

    This is just my opinion and you don’t know me…but I thought I’d respond to your post.


  3. I agree with Tina. No woman is a birth mother until after she’s given birth AND relinquished. Up until then she is simply a mother.

    And if I can add one more point, please …
    when you are matched, PLEASE don’t refer to the mother of the child you hope to share parenthood with as YOUR birth mother. She may be your child’s birth mother, but never yours.

    Terms of reference are very important to establishing a respectful environment that can only benefit everyone involved, and starting out on the right foot can set the journey in the right direction.

    Good luck.

  4. 3continentfamily

    Wow, that sounds intense. Take a deep breath and just be yourself. You seem like a fantastically cool family 🙂 An expectant mother is far more interested in honesty and love than anything else.

  5. I really appreciate you sharing this experience, because I wonder if I’ll be going down that same path one day… The one thing that has made me so hesitant about domestic adoption is the fear that our nerdy-vegetarian-tattooed family would always be passed up in favor of, well, the kayakers!

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